Just when I feel I’m becoming ‘adjusted.’  It HAPPENS!  I’m minding my own business, working in my studio, kids are finally at school, dogs are outside- is this a perfect work environment… or WHAT?!

I’m recording my latest podcast, lost in thought…and then BOOM- I hear a noise! What in the world could make that Thump, when all Thumpers are Out Of the HOUSE?? 

I slowly turned in my chair, away from my screen, and there was the culprit! Oh My GAWD- are you kidding me??? No- I mean SERIOUSLY.  Straight across the room, no more than 8 feet away from me was the biggest Frog I’d ever seen, IN my office, STUCK on the WALL!  Just Haning there! WTF???  The bigger question is, “HOW did he get IN here? and could there possibly be another one IN MY BED!?” Jesus Christ! How much can one woman TAKE!

What did I do?? I got a cup, put him over the frog- we’re talkin’ a BIG MUG- he Jumped into the cup and I covered him with my hand, ewwww- because I was such a nervous wreck, that I forgot to grab something to cover the top with! Ewwwww he was slimy!  I ran outside with him, only to be confronted by the DOGS… so of course I did what came naturally:  I threw him over the fence! I was already traumatized, do you really think I could handle watching my OWN DOGS EATING my house pet?? NOT?

That was the Beginning of my day.  Don’t ask.

I get responses to a lot of my blogs, that start with, “So, Hey! Great site!”  The minute I see that, I know it’s Spam! 

Why, - if you’re a ‘spam artist,’ would you all start your emails the same way? Obviously you’re lacking in the ART department,  if that’s the case?? Makes no sense.  If you’re a ‘spammer,’ why not be an ‘outside the Box,’ Spammer!  Who’s going to read Spam that’s Ordinary?  Creative Spam is like Tagging! Graffitti -that’s Personalized!  I’d open that, wouldn’t you?  If it’s artistic, it means there’s Passion.  Spam can be Passionate if done the right way.

My question is, WHY do a ‘spam email,’ if it’s easily recognizably SPAM! You KNOW no one’s gonna’ read it?  What’s the POINT?  It can’t even be a ‘Number’s game!’  We’re all Smarter than that!  Maybe it just feels good to ramble on… regardless of knowing the outcome.  People do it all the time, in coversation? Even when they KNOW the party they’re talking to!  So? It’s got to be somewhat of a relief to ‘get it out, and get it off your chest’ to a perfect stranger- knowing that chances are only 1 in a million will read it!

It’s moments like this, that I stumble upon the fact that I may have too much time on my hands… and I start answering Spam emails.  Gotta’ love it!

I thought it might be the case prior to our moving to the south- but once here, OMG.  I might as well have a strip of velcro sewn to both sides of my legs.  He is attached at the hip, thigh, knee and calf!  I’m ready to scream!  I bought him a $10 bone, just to keep him busy!  Of course my daughter was with me, and couldn’t get OVER the fact, that I’d spend $10 on HIM, and not $12 on the Shirt she wanted?  I told her, “You used to be stuck to me like glue too.  I bribed YOU? So now I’m trying to bribe HIM. Leave Me Alone with this!”

Took the bone home, the dog now follows me, bone in mouth, but now he SCRAPES me with the damn bone! If we try and take the bone away? Anxiety becomes ‘fiesty!’

The other dog stepped up. He will actually come to my rescue when he feels me getting aggravated, and nip at “Mr. Anxiety.”  That’s a lab for ya’, they ARE your second soul.

Not only does this dog now follow me and scrape me with the bone, if the bone is NOT in his mouth, he will lick my legs as I walk past! Ewwww! I can’t STAND it! 

We got him a year ago, and he never barked.  We get here, where there’s wood floors?? All of a sudden this imibicile learns to bark! Can we say, “ECHO?”  When I tell you how shrill his bark is, you wouldn’t believe it came OUT of THAT dog. WTF? How many times I’ve asked him to get a REAL bark…

My best recourse is to turn on the vaccuum.  I have the cleanest floors in town!  Today I considered vaccuuming HIM, but it seems he’s already traumatized, and I’d hate to be the recipient of what that might do!

My kids have always called me ‘the dog whisperer,’ not just dogs,… all animals come up to me, and let me talk to them, even squirrels, rabbits,… I guess I’ve just added a line to my trade, and have become the ‘dog fixerer.’ He thinks I can Fix him? How can I be so in tune with all animals, and have my OWN DOG- not get that I’m losing my mind from him??

I’ve spoken with this author, and I’ve started reading his book.  It’s on the best seller list, NY Times.  I’ll be interviewing him on ‘Chat About It,’ on Aug 23 at 7pm est.

So far, the thing I’ve noticed about this book is it’s ‘relatability factor’ is tremendous! The book is actually written from a dogs’ perspective.  It’s about what goes on in his/her mind, what he feels his purpose is, in life, and it engages the ‘afterlife.’  How many times can a dog come back as another dog?  Does she fill and peform her purose each time? 

I’m one third through the book, and I’ve already begun looking at my dogs differently!  My kids had already called me the ‘dog whisperer’ prior to the book, but I find myself taking the time to REALLY look in their eyes lately… making sure I’m not missing anything important.  They’ve ALWAYS mattered, but now… well, let’s just say, I now know why this book is on the best sellers list.  It’s compelling, and almost trans-like, to get you more in touch with your pet!

Read it! I’d love to compare notes with all of you.  Our dogs should never be a chore, even while training them, you still should Love them, and let them love YOU.

I very much, am looking forward to interviewing Bruce on the 23rd on the radio! Feel free to call in at 7pm, est 1 877- 242- 8212 to ‘Chat About It.’

This is gonna’ be a tough one to describe!

Over the last week, my girls have each had 3 friends come in from NY to stay.  We’ve only been living here in the Carolina’s for a MONTH- but their friends missed them, and of course NONE of them could think to take the same flight??  So there I was making individual runs to the airport THERE and BACK- like I NEEDED MORE tumult in my life.   I just closed the front door behind the movers, for God’s sake, and here I am, the only driver in the household along with 6 kids.  Did I mention I’m working on the air too??  It’s just been total chaos!

The last kid, the last trip to the airport… I timed it perfectly.  I came downstairs, yelled out to her, “Are you ready?”  I hear a scream from 4 girls!

This is IT.  I’m approaching “denial stage.”  I walk into the kitchen, watching them scream, looking towards the floor… and then I see it! They spilled an entire bowl of pancake batter on the kitchen floor.  THAT- wasn’t the part that was aggravating!  The fact that ALL girls were COVERED in batter, was what knocked me for a loop! Even the AIRPORT GIRL was covered!

Just when I thought I was about to lose it from being impatient and tired, ready to scream… I looked down between all of their legs and saw him!  Our black lab was sitting there- looking up at me, while the girls were screaming, and he was COVERED in Batter!

My mouth was open! Nothing was coming out! I saw the plane fly away, minus the kid… I felt like I was choking…and then?  I sat down at the table, and BURST out laughing! LOLOL!  If you could have seen the scene… you would have too! OMG.  No… OM GAWD! 

I threw myself into survival mode, and started barking orders through my laughter- “All of you! OUTSIDE! Take the DOGS! (yes, the white dog was covered too, but you couldn’t see it on him) HOSE them DOWN! Don’t come back inside till I tell you it’s SAFE!”

They all ran out, dogs chasing them…it was straight out of a sitcom…

I was Swiffering for my LIFE, just trying to clean up in a hurry and trying to still get this kid to the airport!  I went through 3 Swiffer pads, threw down towels on the floor, told them all to come back in…it was like ‘before and after!’  They were all stunningly clean!  Even the dogs!  Same with the floor!  The whole time I was thinking, “this should be a commercial for the Swiffer product!”  Of COURSE I was thinking this… always branding…

PS. Got to the airport with this child that hadn’t shut up for a week, only to find out that, when with me by herself, I couldn’t PAY her to say TWO WORDS… can we say, “AWKWARD?”  We got to the airport with plenty of time, and found out that her plane was an hour delayed!  I tried like the dickens to get her to have a conversation, but to no avail!  Took her to eat, …bought time that way, gave her my phone to play with…and then? …she was in ROW ONE!  

They wouldn’t let her ON till everyone else boarded.  No matter how many times I asked,…”but she’s a MINOR, traveling on her OWN??”…they wouldn’t let me put her on the plane till the end.

NOW you know, why I’m EXHAUSTED. That’s just ONE piece of my exhauting puzzle! 

I still love her.  She’s just Shy, when the kids aren’t around, and everything else came out Clean!  See? That glass is half full, all the time- in ‘Robinville.’

I’m like a REAL person now!  After living on a main, double-yellow lined road, for 20 years- raising 5 kids, (and their friends), on that road… I’m now in the bow shaped arms of a cul-de-sac!  This round circle of pavement holds 4 houses with REAL PEOPLE in them!  People that I have to be Mindful of- be Polite to, tell my kids to “Shhh!” to, and threaten the lives of my Dogs if they drop something outside of the invisible barrior on our front lawn! 

It’s a LOT of work. 

Where it’s warm and inviting, safe and quiet… I’m not sure it’s what I prefer.  I miss my Fence!  I miss the sound of CARS!  I miss not having to TALK to someone if I step outside!  LOL! I’m such a spoiled brat! My kids learned to be extra careful of traffic, early on- and living on a cul-de-sac to them, is like living on a FARM.  I actually Bought a HUMMINGBIRD feeder, …I kid you NOT.  It will give us something to DO- we can sit and watch them stick their long tongues out and into the little holes. OMG.

What happened to the OTHER Robin??

I took my girls into the city of Charlotte for desert last week.  VERY nice, clean, quaint, pretty, small… on the way back to our car my 12 year old asked me, “So…what exactly IS their Time Square?”

The storms are fantastic!  I’ll give em’ that! Never saw lightening like this before,… now I know where Zorro’s Branding came from!  See? I get answers for age old questions like that, too! 

The rain is scarce, but when it falls, it FALLS!  Hard, fast and furious!  Perfect solution for how to bath a dog that hates water.  Throw his furry ass outside and keep a bottle of dog shampoo right on the outside stoop!  Works perfectly!  He squints from the rain pelting down, but he squeaks from being so clean afterwards! Hahaha!

Another day in the life …

It must be wonderful to be single, not have daughters, and have running water?  If you’re anything like me, you step into your much needed shower- blindly! I don’t check to see if all my STUFF is in there?? It should be?  I left it in there?

After all these years, you’d think I’d learn. New house, new shower stall, so new that I can’t seem to remember if I push or pull to get in.  I figure I’ve got a 50-50 shot, and I ALWAYS get it wrong, so that’s how it starts out.

Then the water is on and we’re off to the races! YES! That hot water feels Great!  It all starts to go downhill from there…because now I’m wet- and I’m looking for the shampoo which is NOT there.  I LEFT it there?  Ok… I’m dealing with this, and decide in a split second, that I can do without shampoo for one day, as I reach for the NON EXISTANT SOAP.  Now- I’m PISSED.

I’m basically standing in hot water with nothing to do.  I’m picturing their shower stall- fully equipped with all my shower stuff!  FUMING is where I’m at, at that point.

I decide to get out.  What’s the point of staying in??  I reach for my NON EXISTANT TOWEL.  ROYALLY PISSED, is my state of mind.  Now What??  All girls are at the other end of the house, enjoying themselves, I might add,… they won’t hear me screaming… so I shake myself off like my dog, step out and find Paper Towels to dry myself off with!  There’s absorption? 

Lucky for the human race, I have a very short term memory, so by the time I’m dry, dressed, make up is on, and I walk to the other end of the house to see the girls, … I’ve already forgotten what I was mad about.  Of course this means it happens over and over, because I never remember to tell them to put my stuff back!

Day ONE- I told him I felt there was something wrong with the compression in the studio!  LOL! Nothing like coming in, and being PRISSY?  His words, after the THIRD time I said something were, “Hmmm…Never had a complaint like this before??” 

I kept the ‘NYC Robin,’ - ’in check,’ and then proceded to finish up my shift, go home, and wound up screaming because I coudn’t take the noise level of the TV’s, dogs, and kids.  I felt like maybe this city has different decibel levels??Can you imagine: I was comparing Long Island to Charlotte, “how many feet above sea level are we here, versus there??”

Nancy Drew came out right about there- “hmmmm…?”

“I’ve been complaining of loud sounds, since we got to Charlotte- …hmmm? “

My dogs literally had me spiraling over the edge with their barking today, so much so, that I finally decided to go to the doctor.  I saw my girls faces, when I told them where I was going. They might as well have all done the fist in the air, with the “YES!”  I guess they knew something was wrong, even though I didn’t!

‘Double ear infection that looks like it’s been hanging around for a few weeks,’ was the prognosis.  That explains the NOISE issue, and low tolerance issue, and it saved my dogs from a life on the street… but now I have to figure out a way to tell my Program Director, that it Isn’t His Station, with the Problem.  It’s his new jock.

Thank God for Antibiotics.

Reason being, they’re BOTH a waste of my time!   Just like waiting in line, listening to commercials, preparing a meal, Ugh- the list goes on and on.

The worst, is when you take the time to shave your legs, and then realize the razor wasn’t sharp enough, and then you have to go BACK OVER the same area!   I remember being a cocktail waitress when I was in my 20′s, working in Miami Beach at the “Whale and Sail”- LOL!- I had to wear this long slit skirt, so that one leg would show from my waist down.  I would only shave that ONE LEG! Hahaha! Some things NEVER change! 

I do like the sexy feeling, after shaving though.  Sort of magical how you become this gorgeous, sexpot in your own head, when your legs are smooth and silky! LOL! Right?  Just too much Effort to get there though, – like pumping gas. 

Truthfully, whether I’m pumping or I’m sitting in my car, while someone Else pumps, it’s still the same waste of time!  I HATE it.  I would always let the tank get down to the ‘E’, and then pray my husband would go!  Nine out of ten times, he would- and don’t think he wouldn’t tell me about it! “Robin, maybe you’d like to wait until you’re driving on FUMES before you’d go to the gas station?”  Well? YES! That’s what I do!  Finally! He figured it out!

Waiting in line? It’s just trouble brewing.  The littlest thing, will piss me off. If that teller is talking on the phone, instead of helping the next customer, I KNOW, I’m gonna’ BLOW.  If that cashier can’t enter in a check from that customer, she needs to know that I think, she should look for another career! Ugh! Don’t get me started.

Shopping???  I’d rather die.  Too many choices make me crazy.  So imagine me, trying to choose something to buy, and then Waiting on line to Pay for it, after suffering through filling up the tank, … but at least my legs are smooth.

It’s difficult being me.

I’ve been complaining about pretty much… EVERYTHING- since I moved down south, to the point where I’m sick of hearing MYSELF talk about it!  It’s Too Hot, Can’t Breath, Taste Salt in my mouth all the time, Tired, Losing weight, Hate the dogs…(oh- that’s not part of the MO, at least not Medically) but after talking with my friends, I’ve come up with what I think is the problem!  Before I divulge, I’d like to know WHO’s gonna’ pay a Co-payment to ME?  “Dr. Robin?”

Ok, I’ll waive my fee this time, but count yourselves Lucky- in case YOU have similar symptoms! 

I had gone in the pool about 10 days ago, which is when All of this started.  I went under water, and immediately said to one of the kids, “I shouldn’t have done that. I felt something in my ears.”  How I forgot that I felt that?  That’s a converation for another day, but I believe I have an inner ear infection!  I need an antibiotic! That’s what this is all about.  I remember when my eldest was a toddler, she used to get these massive ear infections, but the saving grace was, she never felt the pain.  I believe I was like that too, as a kid, and probably still am as an adult.

Could also be, I’m just wanting a quick answer!  The salty taste is enough to drive you crazy, and to STILL have the dogs LICKING my legs every time I walk by, is enough to make me grab the pepper, to go along with the salt that’s obviously coating my legs!  That’ll teach em’!

I’m thinking  of hanging a shingle outside that says, “Dr. Marshall’s Office.”  I AM in the south now, I could probably get away with this , … couldn’t I?