Robin Marshall Versus the DMV. Took me THREE Days to get this OUT!

Would you visit?

If there could only be One more letter in front of the DMV, it would be a ‘G.’ Then it would be named Appropriately! The “Gawd Damned Motor Vehicle!” Seriously- I need to tell you this course of events that led up to my ‘Demise of Mental Validation,’ yet another spin on the ‘DMV!’

Once again, let me remind you, that, No Way in the World, could I Make this shit UP!

Started like this: I moved from NYC/Long Island, to just south of Charlotte, literally one mile away, in York County, South Carolina.  From the day I moved here, I had made attempt after attempt to get my driver’s license updated!

The first time I tried, I found out I needed many different documents, some of which I had, and some of which… I had, but they just weren’t Good enough! OMG- I’m shaking my OWN head, as I’m writing this…

I found out, that in order for me to switch my NY license to a SC equivalent, I needed my Social Security card- check! My NY license- check! A recent bill to validate my address- check! My birth certificate- check!…and my Marriage License! Wha???  I went home at that point, and started searching for the marriage license.  I had NO idea where it was… and upon further pondering, I actually started to wonder, if we really DID have one in the first place! I mean, …we got married on a BOAT.  Did we really Need one??

I called my husband and asked him, “Do you remember Ever getting a marriage license?” I could literally hear him shrug his shoulders over the phone… which of course spurred me on to bigger and greater things like, “HOW could you not remember this?? This is Monumental! Wasn’t this the ‘Boy’s Job,’ upon getting married??”

Another ‘audible shrug,’ which pushed my buttons even more! I asked him,… in a very nice tone, – to come search the garage. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been Nicer… I suggested, that it would be a Very good idea to find it,… otherwise I’d have to fly to NY, to get a copy, and while I was there, I may as well get what’s needed for a legal separation or divorce!  I mean,… what’s the difference, …if I’m gonna’ wind up in jail anyway, from speeding, or making a turn where I shouldn’t, while not having the proper Driver’s License to back myself UP!  This is ‘South-friggin’- Carolina!’  No one likes me, to Begin with!  I’ve always felt like the police, knowing that I’m a ‘New Yorker,’ are just Waiting for me to screw up!  Yes… this could all be in my head.  I admit it! I’m WAY outside the box, for these people, and I KNOW it!

Let me explain why the documentation that I DID have- Didn’t Work.

My Married name, is Bauver.  Did I ever use that name in business? NO.  Did I use that name when I got married? NO. In fact, on the ‘non-existant’ marriage license, -I had signed as Robin Marshall!

Did my husband come over and scour the garage for that license? YES. Did he find it? NO! Wait- it gets better here!

Neither one of us remembered where, or even IF we got a marriage license, so I started calling ALL the boroughs in NY and by process of elemination, I found out that we must have registered somewhere other than Long Island, where we got married. Amazing.

We called a NY friend, (just like the game shows) and after notarizing a document which gave him the ‘ok’ to get the license, we sent him on his way to Front Street in NYC to get us a copy.

Thinking back to the day we got married, I remembered, we couldn’t find a Rabbi! We unknowingly chose to marry on TISHA B’AV, which is a day in Jewish history, meant to mourn the destruction of the temples and repeated violence against Jews, … who knew???  I wasn’t religious enough to know, but apparently every Rabbi in town, aside from the one we got, knew about it?  We finally found a Female Rabbi- which back then, was a little unusual..but we were desperate, so we grabbed her!…  The fact that we couldn’t Find the license, on top of that history, would make Anyone wonder, if we were legally married- even the people at the DMV!

Let’s move to my Social Security card- where it reads Robin Bauver. WHY?? I don’t know! I had had that card since I was a kid! It Should have read Robin Marshall!  At that point, I became a bit numb… but I still persevered….

My Birth Certificate reads,… I really need a ‘drum roll’ here…             Robin Lewis! Why? That was my Dad’s birth name, when I was born! He legally changed HIS name, when I was approximately 9 years old.  Did he legally change MY name? NO.

Our friend came back with our Marriage Licence! Yup! Just as I’d suspected, it was signed ‘Robin Marshall!’

Quick recap:

Birth certificate- Robin Lewis

SS card and NY License- Robin Bauver

Marriage License- Robin Marshall

- so they looked at me, like I had 2 heads- at the DMV…  oh, … and it gets even better…

While going through my Dad’s papers, after he died, I found a document that showed he legally changed his name to Marshall. I elected to bring that along, for back-up, even though it was never requested.

Today- after 2 months of trying to get this all together, after losing employment, after dealing with the loss of my Dad, I walked in to the ‘Gawd Damn Motor Vehicle,’ with all the proper papers, and two things happened:

First: the paper I’d elected to bring, that they didn’t request? The documentation showing my Dad had legally changed his name? They insisted I needed the ORIGINAL.  I said, “You guys didn’t even ASK for this!! I brought this ON MY OWN!  He’s DEAD! I don’t know where the original Is???  She just shook her head.

Then, the icing on the cake: She took my license and ran it through the system, just on the  slight chance that her supervisor just MIGHT approve this- what shows Up?  My License has been suspended for over a YEAR- and I was never Notified! R U KIDDING ME!  I almost jumped out of my skin, at that point.  I asked her to get me a phone number in Albany, to find out HOW this was possible!  She did.  I called while standing there, pissing off the next DMV victim that was patiently waiting their turn!

Turned out, there had been an insurance payment that had been late, 2 years ago- that had suspended my license way back when!  Of course, that car is fully insured, and has been SINCE.  When I asked ‘why had I not received notification of this?’ The answer was, “it’s a clerical error, and we didn’t have a forwarding address on you.”  I said, “THAT’S RIDICULOUS- Everyone ELSE DOES??  My Husband came in here to the SC- GDMV and wasn’t asked for HIS marriage license,  his name was on the same insurance policy, and HIS license wasn’t suspended? Why is THAT?”

So here I am AGAIN- waiting for the ‘fix’, while driving with a non-existant license, and a bunch of South Carolina people shaking their heads at me!

I even put on really good make-up and a nice shirt for this picture!  I was prepared to Smile!  I’m ALWAYS prepared to smile! Not today. THIS is why, I attended a Christmas Party, with relatively NO ONE I knew, and had a GREAT Time! We played that gift swapping game, and I Stole the most adorable coffee mugs from a woman that was trying to hide them behind a coffee table! Ha! I was Watching… it was harmlessly vendictive, but if felt Damned Good!  I’ll include a picture of the adorable mugs!

Now, after faxing PROOF of insurance, …I wait for two weeks, for all to clear up, and Pray that I don’t get pulled over… where if I do, for sure… I’ll wind up in JAIL.  Does Anyone have bail? Just in case??  I’m good for the money, just lacking in ‘attitude skills.’ I WILL give you one of my kids for collateral- absolutely.  I’ll even let You Pick!  They won’t mind? It’s a breath of ‘fresh air’ for any one of the five! Guaranteed!

xoxoxox  Thank you for caring enough to read… and relate!

Robin